Confusing Extremes

Lately, through several experiences, I have been thinking a lot about suffering. In fact, I am consumed by it, fascinated with it and overwhelmed by it. Suffering is a very complex thing - pain and beauty and love combined - especially for those who believe in God. How can I reconcile the coming together of these extremes?

Usually I have to close my eyes as I watch the last days of Christ played out on the screen. I have gotten overwhelmed by the violent suffering which again I think is never to the extent to what it really was. "His appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man and His form marred beyond human likeness" Isaiah 52:14. Though I believe Mel Gibson's "The Passion" is the closest yet to what really happened. But recently, thanks to God-Tube, I have seen clips of the various portrayals of Christ's suffering put to different songs. I was transfixed - it seemed I couldn't get enough of it. I watched them over and over again. I ask myself "Why?"

I guess now I see the look of love in Christ's eyes. The blood, grime and sweat pouring down His face - yet there is love in His eyes. What powerful images! The disciples watching His strong, weathered hands breaking the bread and pouring the wine. The look as He tenderly washes their feet. The knowing as He sends Judas off to his betrayal. The love and sorrow as He looks at Peter as he denies Him. The look of Christ - as the nails are pounded through His hands; pain yet love. The look at His mother Mary and the thief on the cross beside Him; such compassion and understanding. Oh how such sorrow and love flow mingled down!

Yet still I struggle to reconcile it all. This God, who allowed His Only Son to suffer so and who allows me to suffer too, is a God of love. How can this be? He, who leads me in green pastures and beside the still waters, leads me also into great pain and allows the darkness to come. Somehow though, there is great love displayed in both. That is the mystery of God!