To Honor Him

"Our finest gifts to bring.... so to honor Him....I am a poor boy too.... I played my best for Him."

The words from the Christmas song "The Little Drummer Boy" have had a lot of significance for me this Christmas season. I have heard many versions over the years but it was listening to Josh Groban's version this year which made these words really stand out. Most versions start quietly as we catch a glimpse of the drummer boy coming before the baby Jesus with nothing to "offer the newborn king." The music begins to build in volume as he realizes he can play his drum and asks Mary if he can play for Him. And as Mary nods, the music climaxes as the spotlight focuses on the boy playing his drum and baby Jesus smiling at him. A gift well received.

Josh Groban's version is perhaps a unique interpretation and thus gives a different perspective. (Or maybe it's just where I am at this year.) He begins quietly but the music begins to swell as the drummer boy realizes he has the gift of his drum playing to give. Voices echo "to honor Him" several times. Then the music goes back to the quiet tones as he plays for the baby Jesus. And while one may think the emphasis is in the wrong place, I beg to differ.

When I was in grade school, for several Christmas assemblies, we were shown the cartoon version of this song. It is the story of a little drummer boy whose family was killed by robbers and he managed to run away with his pet lamb and drum. The three kings found him on their way following the star and took him with them. He was going to give the baby his pet lamb. As they reached Bethlehem, the Roman soldiers rushed through the street and the lamb was trampled under the feet of their horses. The drummer boy was devastated because now he had no gift. Yet still he came to baby Jesus and played his drum which ended up to be a great gift. Even some 35 years later, I still see these images clearly when I hear the song played.

So this year, thanks to Josh Groban, I am struck by the fact that while I may not have any "fine gifts" to bring - whatever I may think they have to be - the most important thing is that what I do bring, will be an honor to Him. And perhaps the greatest gift which honors Him is to be who I am, who He created me to be, who He has made me now. So I just have to be, to play the instrument of my life, and I will honor Him. And He smiles at me. The gift well received.

Confusing Extremes

Lately, through several experiences, I have been thinking a lot about suffering. In fact, I am consumed by it, fascinated with it and overwhelmed by it. Suffering is a very complex thing - pain and beauty and love combined - especially for those who believe in God. How can I reconcile the coming together of these extremes?

Usually I have to close my eyes as I watch the last days of Christ played out on the screen. I have gotten overwhelmed by the violent suffering which again I think is never to the extent to what it really was. "His appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man and His form marred beyond human likeness" Isaiah 52:14. Though I believe Mel Gibson's "The Passion" is the closest yet to what really happened. But recently, thanks to God-Tube, I have seen clips of the various portrayals of Christ's suffering put to different songs. I was transfixed - it seemed I couldn't get enough of it. I watched them over and over again. I ask myself "Why?"

I guess now I see the look of love in Christ's eyes. The blood, grime and sweat pouring down His face - yet there is love in His eyes. What powerful images! The disciples watching His strong, weathered hands breaking the bread and pouring the wine. The look as He tenderly washes their feet. The knowing as He sends Judas off to his betrayal. The love and sorrow as He looks at Peter as he denies Him. The look of Christ - as the nails are pounded through His hands; pain yet love. The look at His mother Mary and the thief on the cross beside Him; such compassion and understanding. Oh how such sorrow and love flow mingled down!

Yet still I struggle to reconcile it all. This God, who allowed His Only Son to suffer so and who allows me to suffer too, is a God of love. How can this be? He, who leads me in green pastures and beside the still waters, leads me also into great pain and allows the darkness to come. Somehow though, there is great love displayed in both. That is the mystery of God!

African Civil War Reality

As I watched Blood Diamonds, Hotel Rwanda and Beyond the Gates - all movies which detail some of the war crises that happen in Africa, I find myself angered by comments of North Americans that these movies depict too much graphic violence. Movies, news clips and documentaries cannot even come close to depicting the actual horror, fear and suffering the people of countries like Sierra Leone, Rwanda, Sudan and Congo have faced. We want to shield and protect ourselves from the horrible tragedies that have befallen these people and the immense scars that the survivors live with. We shudder at photos of Africans with missing limbs knowing they were brutally cut off with machetes. We are shocked by photos of young boys carrying machine guns who had no choice. We are upset by photos of young women looking ten times their age because of their suffering. We say "Stop. This is way too violent."

But this IS the reality of the people who have lived through these atrocities. Even the movies cannot accurately portray the depth of what these people have endured. It is watered down to protect the Western public. People make excuses that it is Hollywood making things more dramatic than it really was. But no - read any survivor's account, listen to their voices quaver in fear, look at the sadness in the face of a boy with no hands - these things really did happen and continue to happen. These are real people, real events and real stories.

When will we allow ourselves to even think of these horrors? When will we acknowledge this suffering? When will we speak up for justice for these innocent people? When will we step out of our comfortable lives and feel some of this pain? When will we stop hiding behind the excuses of "too much violence," "that's Hollywood," and "it's just a movie?" When will we say "I'm sorry we didn't care to end this violence. We were too busy trying to protect ourselves."?

I do not want to forget the images I saw as watered down as they were. I do not want to hide my head in the sand. I don't want to say it's so far away that it has nothing to do with me. I do not want to stop feeling their pain. I do not want to white out the photos of the survivors.

I wonder what I can do. Money seems so inadequate. Prayer sometimes seems so small. Going is expensive and risky. Talking seems so empty. I can state the truths. I can let some of their pain touch me. I can thank God that His grace has protected me so far from such suffering. But most of all, I can remember. I want to remember. I don't want to forget. These are people just like me, these are my brothers and sisters, my fellow companions on earth. In some little way, I can be their voice.

Time Flies

It's a scary thought to think of the last time I wrote here. Yet, what has been on the tip of my fingertips over the past month is about this very subject - TIME ! And it flew so fast that I hadn't had enough of it to write about it!

"If I could turn back time..." (the words of a popular song)

"Stop the world, I want to get off." (I think from another song)

"Lost, yesterday, somewhere between Sunrise and Sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered, for they are gone forever." (Horace Mann, "The Father of Education")

"The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the Lord listened to a man." (story of Joshua and the Israelites fighting the Amorites, Joshua 10:13-14)

In the past two months, these phrases have been very much in the forefront of my mind. How much I wanted to turn back the clock 10 min so that I could make it to my appointment on time. How much I wanted to stop the crazy whirlwind of my life to just take time to walk in the fallen leaves and to catch my breath. How much I wanted those two hours that I slept past my alarm. How much I had hoped God would listen to me and hold the sun still for a day so that I could get caught up.

Never before has time seemed to go so fast. "Wait." I screamed as summer drew to its close and I wanted that one last walk by the creek. "Wait." I screamed as classes began signalling another year towards the end of my degree. "Wait." I screamed as the leaves changed color and fell off the trees. "Wait." I screamed as I heard Christmas songs being played the day after Halloween.

Why now, does time seem to be going so fast? Is it because there are more grey hairs on my head? Is it because I have allowed myself to be so consumed with things I think I have to do? Is it that the world is spinning faster - maybe due to global warming? Is it because I realize certain things which are so precious seem to be slipping away? Is it because I have taken on more than I can handle?

I apologize for ending this now - I have once again ran out of time - and I have not yet figured out where it all went to and why it flies so fast! And I even had an extra hour today as we turned back the clocks!

DVD Movie Special Features

Last night I watched Blood Diamonds which is a movie about the civil war in Sierra Leone when diamonds were discovered there. I will write another blog about the movie but I want to write about the special features. I don't know how many of you take time to watch the special features that the technology of DVDs offer which are not usually on videos. They usually are interviews with the director or the actors and sometimes discuss how scenes of the movies are filmed. For me it is quite fascinating.

Now you can watch the movie all over again with the director commentating on every scene. I started to do that with Blood Diamonds last night. I have to say that I was rather disappointed to hear that most of the scenes were filmed in other countries than Sierra Leone. But I understood this in some sense as this country is far from settled or restructured since the civil war. To hear scene after scene being said - this was in Mozambique, we added the mountains, palm trees, water to make it look like Sierra Leone was quite discouraging. I decided I preferred to let the special features be and leave my memories of this powerful movie untainted by commentaries.

I have also watched a few times The Last Sin Eater which is a powerful movie based on a book by Francine Rivers. The Christian message of Jesus forgiving our sins is so strong and very clear. The courage of the young girl to spread this message is inspiring. The interviews at the end are with Michael Langdon Jr who directed the film - a strong Christian who desires to produce Christian movies. It was encouraging to know there is someone out there who is making a stand in Hollywood. Also striking were the non-Christian actors talking about how good it was to act in a wholesome movie and how they were touched by this message of forgiveness. This is definitely a must-see for everyone.

I also watched Breach which is based on the true story of an American FBI agent who sold secrets to the Russians. It is not a real high action movie but is very intense as the spy and the junior man trying to trap the spy duke it out in a battle of the minds. The special features reveal that the junior FBI man who was in the real life situation was actually the screen writer and consultant for the movie. This showed that there was real validity in the movie. It also discussed how the actors were able to act the characters and develop this intensity between them which added to my appreciation of the quality of the movie.

So I will continue to watch the special features despite my disappointment with those of Blood Diamonds. I appreciate movies and am fascinated to hear how they have been made and what goes on behind the scenes.