A New Inspiration

Lesson From The Moth

Warmth, dark, tight
Comfortable in the cocoon
But it's time to come out.

Can't stay in the cocoon forever
Cool, light, air
There's a world out there.

Wiggle, squirm, squeeze
The body bloated, wings folded
Struggle is needed to emerge.

The crack widens
Anticipation, determination, commitment
The blue sky and gentle breeze beckon.

Weary, tired, weak
The energy is waning
Surely there is help out there.

But no, leave it alone
Courage, perseverance, steadfastness
Needed for beauty to finally unfold.

Relief, exhilaration, accomplishment
The body supple, the wings full
Ready to discover the world.

The moth takes flight
Freedom, hope, strength
Soaring high above the broken cocoon.

Struggle, challenge, pain
All needed to leave the cocoon
To become strong, beautiful, free.

LM, 12/09

This comes from a story I recently heard - about how a monk, seeing a moth struggle to come out of the cocoon thought he could help it along. He cut the cocoon but the moth emerged with a fat swollen body and weak, collapsed wings. It was ugly and lived a miserable life. For a moth needs the struggle to squeeze the fluid from its body into its wings so that it can fly free. And so I am challenged to not be tempted to get quickly out of my struggles but to endure - because I want to live a free, unencumbered life.

When We Ask of God

I came across a poem the other day which got me thinking (Oh no!).

The Olive Tree

Said an ancient hermit bending
Half in prayer upon his knee,
'Oil I need for midnight watching,
I desire an olive tree.'

Then he took a tender sapling,
Planted it before his cave,
Spread his trembling hands above it,
As his benison he gave.

But he thought, the rain it needeth,
That the root may drink and swell;
'God! I pray Thee send Thy showers!'
So a gentle shower fell.

'Lord! I ask for beams of summer
Cherishing this little child."
Then the dripping clouds divided,
And the sun looked down and smiled.

'Send it frost to brace its tissues,
O my God!' the hermit cried.
Then the plant was bright and hoary,
But at evensong it died.

Went the hermit to a brother
Sitting in his rocky cell:
'Thou an olive tree possessest;
How is this, my brother tell?'

'I have planted one and prayed,
Now for sunshine, now for rain;
God hath granted each petition,
Yet my olive tree hath slain!'

Said the other, 'I entrusted
To its God my little tree;
He who made knew what it needed
Better than a man like me.

Laid I on Him no conditions,
Fixed no ways and means; so I
Wonder not my olive thriveth,
Whilst thy olive tree did die.'

- Sabine Baring-Gould-

So I wonder how much I try to ask God for what I think I or others need when I pray, rather than letting Him carry out the things that He knows is best for me or them.

Just a thought.

Childlike Dependency on God

I have moved on to reflecting on the phrase "Give us this day our daily bread" in the Lord's Prayer. Albert Haase in "Living the Lord's Prayer" suggests that praying this is to be childlike and admit our dependency, helplessness and need as is how little children are. It is not necessarily just the innocence aspect of children (which is a common interpretation)but also their total trust in and dependency on their parents for their needs that Jesus challenges us in Matthew 18:3 to change and become like children to enter the kingdom of heaven.

There is a French saint called Therese de Lisieux who died of tuberculosis at the age of 24 in the late 1800's. She spoke of spiritual childhood as acknowledging our nothingness and expecting everything good from the Lord. In her simple faith she wrote saying that she was looking for a "very straight, very short, a completely new little way" to heaven. The elevator had just been invented saving people the long walk up the stairs. She wanted to find an elevator to lift her up to Jesus because she was "just too little to climb the ladder of perfection." She found Isaiah 66:12,13 that says "As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you ... You shall be nursed and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees." She realized that the elevator to lift her up to heaven was the arms of Jesus. She says "For that I do not need to become big. On the contrary I must stay little."

Oh, that I may never grow up, that I may never outgrow my need for God. May I remain dependent on and fully trusting in my heavenly Father as a child depends on and trusts in their parents. And may I always find myself in Jesus' arms when I think I have lost my way.

God bless you

I have had some niggling questions over the past few months. As I drive around Detroit I see the many homeless on the street corners with their signs requesting a hand out (or hand up as I like to consider it). Many of these signs say "God bless you." More often than not, when I give a dollar to them, they say "God bless you." Just yesterday I gave a newcomer to a corner frequented by them a dollar and he said the same words and I asked myself as I so frequently do, "Does this guy really mean it? Does he know God enough to bring God's blessing on me? Can someone who is not in God's family bless me? Is he saying this out of sincerity or is it just the "in thing" to say?" Lately I have begun to wonder about this.

It seems that "God bless you" is said very frequently one to another in Christian circles very sincerely. I will often say it to my Christian frineds and acquaintances in saying good-bye. I have even tacked it on the end of my voice mail messages. I know that I sincerely wish God's blessing on that person. It is not really something my non-Christian friends would say to me - it's just not in their vocabulary.

I do not necessarily give money to the homeless to get God's blessing. I do it because God has given me the resources and many times as I see a homeless person, I am thankful for what God has provided for me and at the very least I can share some of it with others who are more needy than I. In a way it is passing on God's blessing to me to another person.I do not give indiscriminately - many times I give because I feel God nudging me to give. And while I do appreciate a "thank you" or a smile, I do not expect anything in return.

I do believe that those who are poor and impoverished have a greater awareness of how God provides for them than those who are not in need. And I know that many of the homeless, regardless of how they use my dollar, are truly grateful. Perhaps they do have a right to request God's blessing on the giver.

I have briefly tried to find a Scripture relating to this but have not really found anything. Certainly someone saying "God bless you" is a short prayer of request by that person for God to bless another. So can someone who is not a Christian request God's blessing on another and expect God to answer that prayer? Acts 20:35 (NIV) says "...remembering the words of the Lord Jesus himself said 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" So therefore just by my act of giving a dollar I already receive a blessing from God. Does it matter then if someone wishes God's blessing on me when I give something to them?

I am afraid I just have questions at this time. I will let them niggle at me as I drive away from each homeless person but will not lose sight of the satisfaction I feel knowing that I have blessed the receiver of my dollar with the blessings that God has given me.

Our Father, Who Is In Heaven

I am reading a fascinating book about the Lord's Prayer. The author takes each phrase and expounds on it in ways I have never heard before. In the liturgy at my church we say the Lord's Prayer before communion. This book has totally changed this well-known prayer for me and I will never take any word of it for granted again and I am only at the "Who art in heaven" chapter!!

The chapter discusses the difficulty we have as humans in understanding just who we are praying to - "When we locate the presence of God "in heaven" in the Lord's Prayer, we are not confining God to a snail-mail address or physical location.... No word or image can accurately describe this ineffable, unapproachable and incomprehensible God who lives in heaven."

So many times I think I have arrived at finally understanding God, only to be frustrated by His revealing something else of Himself to me. And when I pray, I think I know this God I am praying to - but do I really know Him - the God who is in heaven?

The author continues: " God refuses to become an object that can be contained by the human mind. God lives in heaven! God dwells in unapproachable light. God is like the air we breathe: we can never grasp it in our hands. God is like the horizon: we can never take in its length in one single glance. ... Indeed it is an arrogant presumption to think God can be captured, photographed, contained or described by the human mind or heart. God is God: totally other, totally transcendent."

Wow, how liberating this is. I don't have to figure Him out! I just have to believe in who He is, allow Him to be outside of whatever box I put Him in and let Him be the God that He is. Even though the nature of God puts Him way outside of what I can understand, it is not discouraging - for He meets me where I am at - He is my (our)Father, my Abba, who lives in heaven. What more can I ask for?

(From "Living the Lord's Prayer" by Albert Haase)

Up in the trees

Recently I went on a weekend where we did technical tree climbing. Basically you wear a harness which is then clipped to a rope which is suspended very high in a tree. You ascend by pushing up a knot attached to main rope. Then depending on how much weight you are working with you pull yourself up until the harness reaches the knot. Where we were the ropes were 60-90 feet up in the trees. We had the option to pull 1/5th, 50% or 100% of our weight. We also had the option of using an addition which enabled you to use our legs to help. I chose to do 50% of my weight and using the leg attachment not trusting my core or upper body strength. I pulled myself up over 60ft. It was quite an accomplishment for me as I am a little afraid of heights and do not consider myself terribly physically fit - though I have improved greatly in the last year thanks to yoga classes that I have been attending. Here are some photos.



Looking up anticipating our turn



What it looked like from below


That's me getting started. Unfortunately I did not pick a good photographer!!

Religious Beliefs - Martyrdom or Suicide?

I know about it a bit from my nursing classes - respecting one's beliefs and I have read about it in the news - refusing treatment due to religious beliefs. But a few nights ago I experienced it.

I had a 46 year old patient in the ER who came in with some vague symptoms of weakness. She did not look very good - her eyes and skin had a yellowish tinge and almost looked pale. Her history was cirrhosis of the liver caused by alcoholism. Her lab results told the story - a hemoglobin of 2.7 (normal in a female is 12-14 and normally we would transfuse when below 8) This is probably the lowest I have seen in my 19 years of nursing. Anything lower than this is very close to incompatible with life. Transfusion of several units of blood though can easily reverse the symptoms.

The problem with this patient was that she was a Jehovah's Witness and was refusing any blood transfusions. She was an adult so she had the right to make her own decisions and I as a caregiver had to respect her wishes. The doctor and I tried to communicate that this decision would lead to her very imminent death yet she still refused. She kept asking for something that could be done to build up her blood without a transfusion - but did not seem to grasp that there was no other option at this point. I have tried to think about what she would be feeling. It's easy to choose to refuse a treatment when healthy - but when death is staring you in the face and can be easily prevented - how does one refuse the help that is there? And she was only two years older than me.

I began to think about whether it was worth dying because of one's religious beliefs. I am sure this is a discussion that takes place in many circles. I wondered if this was the same as if I was given the choice to give up my Christian beliefs and live or stick to them and die. But in thinking more about it - this would fit more into the definition of martyrdom - "to publicly persist in your beliefs in the face of threats of death and to actually submit to being killed in testimony of your beliefs." Refusing a blood transfusion for religious reasons is not being killed for your beliefs by someone else. In a way, it is a form of suicide - defined as "the act of causing one's own death." Somehow martyrdom seems more acceptable and honorable than suicide.

At this point, I am not sure what the answer is - but I am leaning towards me dying for my being a Christian being a whole lot different than dying for a religious belief which denies treatment for a medical condition. I have to admit though, that I did admire her courage and determination. I certainly hope I will have the same courage if martyrdom ever confronted me.

Faith Is Not Always Easy

The Trapeze

I leave the platform
Legs hooked over the bar
Back arched
Arms spread wide
I fly
The safety net far below me
It is exhilarating
I look ahead
Another trapeze coming towards me
It is God
Arms spread wide
He is reaching
I am reaching
We long to be one
The moment is approaching
Can I let go and grab on to Him
In a split second I look down
It is a long way
I look again at God
The moment is now
No I cannot do it
I swing back to my platform
God back to His
Maybe next time.

L.M.
June, 2009

The Many Faces of Water

The Many Faces of Water

Water has so many faces.
It is essential to life.
It cuts off the breath in an instant.
It makes things clean with a little soap of course.
It is the source of sickness.
It is the crashing thunderous surf.
It is the bubbling brook.
It is the cradle for colorful fish.
It is the living room for great big whales.
It comes in many shades of blue, green and grey.
It is soothing, especially in the tub.
It is raging as the flood surges.
It is a serene lake, a stagnant pond or a vast ocean.
It is steaming hot in the mug.
It is frigid cold in a glacier stream.
It is easy for some to get by twisting a tap.
It is hard for others who trudge along dusty paths.
It is a drip.
It is a stream.
It is a gush.
It is contained.
It is limitless.
It is refreshing.
It is oppressing.
It is water.
Always be grateful.

L.M. May 2009

(written for a course on "Spirituality in Nature" that gives suggestions for meditation activities every day for 40 days)

Swine Flu Madness

I have tried to avoid getting caught up in all the hype over the swine flu but find it touching home this week. It has not shown itself to be a disease where great numbers will die as of yet. What does not seem to be understood by most people is that far more people die every year of the influenza which is in the same family of viruses - yet few people get the flu vaccine every year. If there was a vaccine for swine flu, I can imagine people would line up in droves to receive it. In the emergency room where I work, protocols are out that anyone coming with a fever and cold symptoms must be put in an isolation room - kind of ridiculous when we only have 6 such rooms and 4 of them are used for obstetric patients and are occupied most of the time. But so far this has all been talk and fortunately we haven't had to live out the reality of an epidemic in this area.

Saturday I will be graduating with my Master's degree. If the threat of the swine flu epidemic had reached a level 6 (the highest), the ceremony would have been cancelled as this level does not allow public gatherings. After all the work I have done, it would be sad to have the celebration cancelled. My professor who graduated last week with her doctorate said that at her ceremony no handshaking was allowed when the diplomas were given out. The deans and students gave a thumbs up or another hand signal instead. There was discussion prior to the ceremony that someone would stand beside each side of the stage with hand sanitizer so that each student would have clean hands to shake the dean's hand and then have their hands cleansed after in case the dean's hands were contaminated by all the hands they shook. This was not done because they thought it would be too disruptive! Even the traditional pinning of the bacalureate nurses was different because it involves close contact of two people. I guess we will be informed on Saturday what will happen at our ceremony.

My first reaction is that is crazy. You can count the number of cases in MI on two hands. However after thinking of it a bit further, the reality does sink in. While the swine flu may not turn out to be anything, it does bring me to the reality of how our lives will change should there be a deadly outbreak of something else. We do not realize how fortunate we are that we have been spared this long.

Good Friday

Today during the Good Friday service, the whole account of Jesus' last days from Matthew was read. It is not often that such a large chunk of scripture is read and where one gets a feel for the whole flow of the emotions of the events of Jesus' life just before His death on the cross. Also it gives a chance to be "struck" with a new understanding of scriptures which are so familiar.

One thing that I saw today was the betrayal of Judas. Jesus pointing him out as His betrayer at the last supper, then his approaching Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, signaling by his kiss that He was the one to be arrested. When the chief priests came to their decision to put Jesus to death, Judas was "seized with remorse." (Mt 27:3) and he tried to return the thirty silver coins to the chief priests and elders. They wouldn't accept Judas' confession that he had betrayed innocent blood saying "What is that to us? That's your responsibility." (Mt 27:4) Judas couldn't live with that responsibility and went out and hung himself.

It is interesting that a little further along, Jesus stood before Pilate and was accused by the chief priests and elders. Pilate realized that Jesus was innocent yet was persuaded by the crowd who were incited by the chief priests and elders to order Jesus to be crucified. Pilate washed his hands saying "I am innocent of this man's blood. It is your responsibility." (Mt 27:24)

The chief priests and elders put the blame on Judas for betraying innocent blood but later that day were given the responsibility for crucifying Jesus by Pilate. It leaves us to our inspiration of what their response was - but through subsequent events, it does not seem that they were remorseful at all.

I'll leave it at that as I am still trying to sort out the many thoughts I have about this. I challenge you to think about it too.

Oh Detroit

Today I saw a video that the rapper Eminem made about Detroit as the city hosted the NCAA basketball Final Four tournament this past weekend. You can see it on the following website (unfortunately not the original site)

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/33860460.html

I have been thinking a lot about Detroit and will continue to do so. I believe it is a very unique city. It is nice to see Eminem bring out the strengths in the midst of the weaknesses. Detroit is a clash of opposites. It is depressing and it is inspiring. It is dying yet it is alive. It is scary and it is comforting. Its streets produce fear and familiarity. It is violent and it is peaceful. It is frustrating and it is rewarding. I have experienced Detroit.

What makes Detroit I conclude is its people. The auto worker on the assembly line. The homeless man huddled on the corner. The senior citizens with such great hearts. The families looking out for each other. The slow moving clerk behind the counter. The down and out veteran offering an encouraging word to another. The child longing for his family to stop grieving violent losses. The school teacher trying to be a good example. The man selling the newspaper in the middle of the street. The woman singing her heart out in the church choir. The emergency medical technician pulling the driver from a wrecked car. The fans at a Detroit Tigers baseball game. The security guard escorting an unruly customer out. The young adult struggling to learn to read. The guy selling crawdads on the corner.... I could go on and on.

Detroit is not the fancy Renaissance Center nor is it the empty falling down buildings, it is its people. Here's to Detroit!

Nostalgia in "The Stacks"

This morning I had to go my university's library to find some books for a paper I was writing. It has been about 19 years since I have been in "The Stacks." In my undergraduate studies, I went to the library often as I needed many references. But now in my graduate studies and the availability of so much on the Internet, I have not needed to go to the library.

It was early in the morning, the first day back to school after spring break. "The Stacks" were super quiet - no one else there. The books I needed were at the opposite end of the room from the entrance. The smell of "The Stacks" is unique and it was very familiar. I marvelled as I walked amongst the shelves scanning the titles - so much research, so much study, so much information - was stored there. So many titles caught my interest.

And the familiar urge to seek more knowledge returned in great force. I wished I had the time to sit down and peruse some of these books and journals. Memories of my past of reading extra things while looking for what was needed flooded back. And I was sad. Yes, the Internet is great but it is frustrating to sift through. It is not quiet and it has no atmosphere!! And for today I was made aware of all the great writings that are out there right in front of my eyes. And it was all good.

In the advent of all the technology today, may we never lose the memories of "The Stacks."

Wake Up!

Hear, hear O Christian America
You sit in your great "cathedrals"
Dressed in the finest fashions
You close your eyes in prayer
You lift your hands in worship
You fill the offering plates with your tithes
You tell of all the ministries you do

Yet when the unemployed, undereducated struggling alcoholic
Comes and sits down beside you in the pew
What do you do?
You wrinkle your nose
You look the other way
You hold tightly to your purse
You walk out the other end of the pew
You tell your friends who came to church that day

Do you know what you missed?
This man prays every hour of the day
He thanks God for every breath he takes
He praises God that he stayed dry one more day
He gives half his sandwich to the one more needier than he
He walks with Jesus hand in hand

When will you wake up and shake off your piety?
When will you realize he is just as faithful as you?
When will you be blind to his appearance and see deep in his heart?
When will you embrace this dear brother of yours?
When you do - you will be renewed.

L.M. Lent 2009

Back to Walking on the Water

A Little Humor, A Lot of Thought

A friend sent me an email with some of these cartoons. This one can be funny in one way but in another way, it makes me think.

Maybe it's a good thing that the Bible suggests we give 10% of our income in tithing - it is not affected by inflation! Being that it is a percentage - it would certainly increase if my income increased.

In thinking of why I tip a wait person - it is a personal thank-you for the service. If I thought that person served me exceptionally well, I increase the tip recognizing the effort. So when it comes to God - what if He blesses me with some extra funds unexpectedly - shouldn't I do the same and give a little more back to Him? It doesn't necessarily have to be monetary - but my time or my possessions. It would be a sign of my gratitude to His "service" to me. Sigh - I do have a lot to learn!!

A Sad Commentary

Every year in January Detroit hosts the International Auto Show. According to the media, this is the biggest show and when "the Big Three" American auto companies present their new models and concept cars. In light of the current recession and the money troubles of the auto industry, I was very surprised by the advertising for the auto show. While I want to see the American auto industry survive, especially because of what it means for the people of the metro Detroit area, I feel that the Big Three have somewhat created their problems aided by the greed of the American people. The companies have created increasingly larger, more gas guzzling and more "luxury" vehicles perhaps expanding beyond their means. Unfortunately this is driven by consumer demand. What have we become that we need to have SUV's with all the perks or huge F150 pick-up trucks just to drive around the city. Having lived in Africa where a Hummer would have been useful for its all terrain abilities, I do not understand why a city dweller needs a Hummer except for the prestige that it appears to give the owner. These larger vehicles seem to have become more of a status symbol than vehicles of utility. This is a sad reflection of the materialism of North America.

Back to the auto show advertising... I saw several commercials for the auto show and all of them tout the presentation of new models, the chance to see the luxury cars for this year and the fancy new concept cars. It is beyond my understanding, in light of the auto industries' financial woes, how they can continue to produce bigger, more sophisticated vehicles and then expect people who are suffering from the recession to be interested in buying these vehicles. The sad thing is that the recession has not changed the general population's need to have their status symbol in the driveway. People will continue to borrow money to keep their fancy vehicles and the empty satisfaction of the recognition they bring. What have we North Americans become?