Why me, Lord?

I was praying the popular Christmas song "Breath of Heaven" today while at a prayer retreat. It is a song about Mary's reflection of her journey of carrying God's Son. We have the encounter of Mary and the angel Gabriel when it was revealed to her that she was the chosen one to bring Jesus into the world in Luke 1. We see that she willingly accepted this call without much question except "how can this be?" Neither this passage nor others really give any details as to what this calling by God actually entailed for Mary. Many have looked at the culture of the day and comment that this calling had drastic consequences for Mary. It was not easy to be expecting a child out of wedlock and at the time she had no idea of how Joseph would react.

The words of the song say "Holy Father, You have come and chosen me now to carry Your Son."

I started to think about what would have happened if Mary had said "No I don't want this." What would God have done? ... Found someone else? ... Told her she had no choice? ... Threatened her? But no, God chose her, well knowing what her response would be. And Mary, in the song, could go on with the assurance of God's presence with her.

I thought about God's choosing me to believe in Him, to receive His forgiveness, to submit to His Lordship, to carry Him in my life. Lately I have not been wanting to be so willing to submit to that call for various reasons. I have said yes in the past. It has been hard and it has hurt. I am not so brave nor so eager now. Yet God knows my response as weak as it may be.

Further on in the song it says, "Do you wonder as You watch my face if a wiser one should have had my place.?"

And I questioned "Why me, Lord? Why have you chosen me? Surely You could choose someone else who is more wise and able to trust you more."

And God gently replied, "Because I love you."

And so, this Christmas season, I join Mary in this song and pray "Breath of heaven, hold me together, be forever near me ... light in my darkness ... help me be strong ... Breath of heaven."